The Lost Shoe, Gloves, Water Bottle, and Lunch Box

Key Insights

-    Some preteens seem to have a knack for misplacing stuff

-    Two tried solutions and one that might actually work

My 11-year-old has lost his lunchbox. Now this is nothing new. In his 11.5 years on this planet, he has lost more things than I can remember. But a few stand out.

1.     The one shoe he lost in a summer camp. He came home wearing boots and with one shoe in his backpack.

2.     The two pairs of gloves were lost at a summer camp. The second pair was lost the day after I bought them to replace the first lost pair.

3.     Water bottles are lost on average three per year, but then miraculously reappear sometimes, too.

4.     His jacket was left so often at school or soccer practice that he now doesn’t bother taking a jacket (also when it freezes).

I didn’t even mention lunch Tupperware. He has a weekly subscription to leaving those at school. In the past, I have threatened for him to buy the next thing he loses. To no avail. Because he does not care if he misses any of those items. Since I want him to eat, drink, and wear proper footwear at school, I sigh, “Can you please look for your lunch box at school?” He replies: “This one really isn’t my fault. I put it somewhere and now it is just not there”. “Yeah, that is the definition of losing something,” my husband volunteers.

Once I figured my threats to buy his own gear did not work, I started making him reminder lists. In the morning, check the list and make sure you have everything. There is a list in his bedroom and in the mudroom. That list has probably been looked at twice in total. Then it was forgotten.

I do need my 11-year-old to become more independent, though, and I can’t keep fixing things for him. I am really at a loss for how to help him learn to take care of his things. But my son soon comes up with the solution himself. We are on our way to school. I managed to grab everything my 4-year-old ordered me to get. She does not have a memory issue but a bossiness issue (a topic for another day). The car is packed with a stuffed animal, a tiara, the pink paw patrol puppy in her helicopter, and sticker sheets for all seven daycare friends. I have also loaded my son’s bike onto the car’s back so he can bike home. It is another recent change aimed at making him more independent.

The daycare drop-off goes smoothly. But when I walk back to my car to continue the route to school, it dawns on me. It is Wednesday. On Wednesdays, my son has band. And there is definitely no trumpet in the car. “Kai”, I sigh when I get in the car, “Did you bring your trumpet?” He looks mortified. “Don’t drop it off at school, mama”, he says quietly. I usually do, but since the last time was literally the week prior, I take him up on his offer. “So here is the deal”, I say. “You don’t go to band, and you use that hour to search for all the items that might still be at school. Like water bottles, Tupperware, and that lunchbox.” There is no protest. It was his own idea after all. Let’s see if letting him fix his own problem is more effective.