Purple Haze
Key Insights
Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is good for your confidence
Learn new things, and gradually make them more difficult
On the morning of Good Friday, my family and I take a gondola to ski our last weekend of the season. Things look bleak. It is foggy and drizzling, and the snow on the lower slopes is largely gone. But that does not bother my 11-year-old in any way. He asks my husband a million questions about Purple Haze. Purple Haze is a steep run on Blackcomb Mountain, with a tight entrance and a rock wall that you ski into if you don’t stop immediately after. It is his latest goal and a true obsession.
My husband has skied Blackcomb since he was four, so he knows practically every run on the mountain. But he has never skied Purple Haze. Maybe that is what intrigues my son. He looks up YouTube videos, comments on the skier's abilities, and tries to deduce from video angles if he can do it. Any information that could possibly tell him about his chances is dragged into the conversation. A boy in his class has done it before, and he thinks my son can do it too. My subtle comment that they have never skied together does not seem to register.
My son’s obsession with a specific ski run isn’t new. Three years ago, it was Pakalolo, an “easy” double black but with a very narrow entrance. Two years ago, it was the Sedan Couloir with an initial pitch of 45 degrees. Then there were Diamond Bowl and Cougar Chutes, and now we are stuck on the next achievement. I sigh. Why can’t we just enjoy a normal day of skiing without having to accomplish something, I wonder?
But I don’t have to dig far for the answer. This is what I do, I think in a flash. I see myself signing up for my first 10k, then a half-marathon, and then my upcoming marathon. I do not exactly set the example of how to ‘just enjoy a normal day’.
I can’t help connecting this to research. There are so many different research areas that would say challenging yourself is a good thing. Goal-setting theorists will tell you that you are more likely to achieve something if you set slightly challenging but manageable goals. Social learning theory is all about becoming more confident through learning new things. You can gain confidence in your ability to tackle anything that comes your way by gradually making tasks more difficult. Then there is really cool, new research on stress inoculation, led by Miriam Schilbach at Maastricht University. It suggests that you can become stronger by exposing yourself to challenging stressors from time to time.
Okay, so my 11-year-old coming close to falling off a cliff is a good thing, I tell myself. Like there is any way to stop him. The next day is perfectly sunny. My husband plays his cards well. Even though he knows my son really wants to ski that run, he also knows he needs to manage his nerves. So they casually go over to look at the entrance. But hey, they are there, and the snow is good. Why not just try it? When I pick them up hours later, my son smiles from ear to ear. “We did purple haze, mama, we did it!” I feign surprise. “Oh, really, that is so cool! How was it?” His answer surprises me. “It was actually really fun - the snow was amazing.”
I can get on board with this growth. Not only did he accomplish his goal, but it also seems like he is getting more confident. And that is great for him, but even better for me, because it immensely lowers the chances he will actually fall off a cliff.