A Weekend Gone Wrong
Key Insights
How to reframe when things are going wrong
Each life phase has its ups and downs
This weekend, my husband and I were home with our little one. My husband had been under the weather since Tuesday, and so had our little one. I was the only one who had miraculously avoided the virus thus far. Perhaps I had brought something back from my trip to the Netherlands that I was used to. Or, I had been so preoccupied with a deadline that I had simply been going on adrenaline so far. We had an okay Saturday. To give my husband a break, I took our daughter to a petting farm with a friend. We took her to the pool in the afternoon. On Saturday night, I looked at my husband and stated that he looked exhausted (to be honest, the word I used was “terrible”). How about another 9 pm bedtime? Surely tomorrow couldn’t get worse.
Sunday was a lot worse. My husband’s cold had transformed into a full-on flu. He was hot and cold, keeping him awake most of the night. He was on toddler-duty, and although she miraculously did not wake up all night, he had been up with her since 6 am. I had been up most of the night because of food poisoning or a newly developed salmon allergy. Either way, it had been ugly. We sat at the breakfast table, looked at each other, and didn’t say anything because it was obvious that we were both exhausted. How about going for a hike? We had to do something to get through the day. Plus, our little one’s favorite activity is walking. She had already walked around the complex (about 1km) with my husband earlier that morning.
The little one fell asleep within the five minutes it took to drive to the trailhead. Ignore, this is nonsense. She never does this. This is not per schedule, I thought. She will perk up on the trail. She did not perk up on the trail. After lots of whining and complaining, we put her in the carrier where she fell asleep face forward, hunched over, and then, once we took her out of this uncomfortable position, on my husband’s shoulder. She kept sleeping when we transferred her into the car seat. There goes my 2-hour work window to get ahead of the game this week, I thought. “Let me get my iPad, a magazine, and a coffee, and I’ll stay with her in the car while you take a nap”. My husband happily accepted this offer. It was hard to tell which one of us was in worse shape, but my guess was him. Otherwise, he would never have accepted that offer.
I thought about the upcoming week and how little work I would get done. My 8-year-old was coming home this evening. As fun as it is to have him home, we would be on a summer camp schedule. And since I failed to get him a spot in an outdoor full-day camp nearby, which sold out 17 minutes after registration opened, I had signed him up for a marble-run engineering camp. On the bright side, this camp had been his pick, so there would be no complaining. The not-so-bright side was that this half-day camp was a 30-minute drive in a traffic-sensitive area. I would either have to adjust my work expectations for this week or get up at 5 am to fit in an extra hour of work. I had tried working evenings many times, but it just was not working for me. I usually am too exhausted by the time my son is finally in bed. Or I am so wired after working late that I barely sleep and can write off the day after.
While I was pondering my options, a very fit-looking woman ran by. My toddler peacefully snored beside me. I pegged the fit lady at 45. I ping of envy went through me. How lovely it would have been to go on a run this morning without having to worry about a toddler’s sleep schedule. Why on earth had I thought it a good idea to have a little one? My husband and I previously had every other weekend to ourselves. If we had stayed on that path, we would have had two part-time teenage kids in a few years, who were either sleeping in or doing something that teenage kids do independently. I comforted myself with the thought that this time would come, but just a little later. Maybe this woman was in fact lonely, and I was definitely never lonely. Or maybe this woman was just happy and fit. Good for her. Perhaps I could go on a run with my daughter in about five years. She surely likes to run when she isn’t napping.
I thought back about my weekends as a single mom, already seven years ago. On half the weekends, I had been running around with a toddler by myself, always looking for playdates to get through the day, and napping while he napped. On the other weekends, I worked on Saturday, and desperately looked for friends to hang out with on Saturday night. It had had its advantages for sure. I had gotten a ton of work done. But it hadn’t been ideal either. There had been very few real connections in my life, outside the bond between my son and me. My family life now was perhaps not the most efficient, but it certainly had gotten exponentially richer.
I took another sip from my coffee and accepted that my two-hour work window would not happen today. But I did get a quiet moment with a magazine (which I lost interest in within 3 minutes), and I jotted down this blog. My run would have to wait until another time, but that was fine. It is all about looking for smart combinations. What if I played soccer with my 8-year-old tonight when the little one was in bed? It would count towards quality time with my son and exercise. And work... Well, wasn’t it Sunday after all? It could wait until tomorrow.