Winter Vacation Without Snow
Key Insights
This story is for you if you always need to be doing something useful
Example of how to take back some control while parenting little ones
My husband convinced me that normal families take a two-week vacation around Christmas and New Year’s. It would be fun. I tried to ignore the red flag waving vigorously in a corner of my brain. Let’s try to be a normal family, then.
I started our “normal” winter break by potty training our 21-month-old. Trust me, plenty of people had already assured me that it was a bad idea to do that over Christmas. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I can be pretty stubborn. Day 1 was a disaster, but the book I read had already prepared me for that. My husband said softly that he really understood if I would just call it off. I thought my husband knew me better than that. On Day 2, after her nap, something clicked. In the evening, we had friends over. They offered to make dinner at my house so that I could keep watching my toddler’s crotch like a hawk. My little one had a blast with her friends without any accidents. See, I thought, that really wasn’t so hard.
On the morning of Day 3, she peed on the floor six times within an hour, each time looking me defiantly in the eye. The book had prepared me for this power struggle, too. And therefore, I told her that we would not go outside until I saw a pee in the potty. I won.
We are on day 10 now. Was it a bad idea? Well, no, but it was a lot of work. It took about 7 days of strictly planning life around my daughter’s bladder, and vigilantly watching for the pee signs I never discovered. But she needs to learn it at some point, and there isn’t going to be another two-week period any time soon (or ever, if you ask me).
The first week of this two-week winter break is about to wrap up. The first half was fun, with lots of excitement and anticipation around Santa (“Santa’s comin',” said my 21-month-old while pointing to the sky). We celebrated Christmas with my in-laws. My MIL always bakes an enormous pile of delicious treats, and she and my sister-in-law make the turkey together. My little one provides free entertainment for the older kids, and because my niece loves playing with her, I actually get to drink my coffee when it is still hot. We ate cookies, had Christmas dinner, and played games once the little one was in bed. So yes, I would say, Christmas was a ton of fun.
The days after got a little bleak. It was six degrees out, and rain was pouring down. The little snow that fell on Christmas Eve seeped away, turning into massive puddles. The golf course, where we do our morning hike, turned into a water park for my kiddo. Boots full of water were brought back home. The days got formulaic. Breakfast, wait for poop, go for a walk, go back for a snack, nap, lunch, more walking, make dinner, bedtime. There was nothing wrong with this routine. But I had to admit, I missed my work. I opened my laptop once during naptime and felt, to my concern, happy to edit a manuscript for two hours. I could tell my husband was getting restless, too, as he started coming up with little projects, like putting up Christmas lights that did not need to be put up. What was wrong with us? Why couldn’t we have a normal vacation like anyone else?
I dissected the problem into two parts. The first problem was that there was no snow. I have no problem with not working if I can go cross-country skiing or take my little one out in the snow. But there was no snow. Second, I felt my life was completely dictated by my kids’ rhythm, with no autonomy over what I wanted to do. If it were up to me, I would be going for runs every day, or swimming, and ideally get a few hours of writing in. But it was not up to me because I am part of a family. With kids who can be cranky and hyperactive. Kids who need sleep and need to be fed. I felt trapped.
Something needed to change. On day 10 of our vacation, I asked my husband if he wanted to go skiing. He looked surprised and eager. Our little one was in a whiny mood. No need for two people to suffer, I said. While he drove off to the mountain, I put a jacket on my little one. “What shoes shall I wear?” I asked her. She picked up my running shoes. Baffled but excited for this opportunity, I put her in the running stroller and ran 5k while she happily looked around. On the 6th kilometer, she wanted out, and we ran together and watched a few dogs. The sun even came out. Well, yes, I thought by myself, while dopamine and endorphins were rushing through my body, I can do this for another week. I just need to make sure I exercise and ideally get some time for myself now and then.
That self-time followed soon enough. Tired from all the running, my toddler took a three-hour nap. I wrote a blog post, read a book, and then baked banana bread. The need to do something useful was still there. But I saw improvement, as I no longer felt the urge to open my laptop for work.