The Grocery Run
Key Insights:
When you juggle multiple roles, the choices between activities can be overwhelming
All the choices we make daily can create decision fatigue
Schedules, routines, and clear rules reduce this energy leak
My husband and I consider ourselves planners. We sit together on Sunday night and discuss who does drop-offs and pickups each day that week. We each have a long-term and a daily work planner. We also each manage a custody schedule for the oldest two kids. Because our exes both have partners who also have kids, managing this schedule, with vacations, work trips, and family events for all families that are linked through shared kids, is complex (that is an understatement). Yet, there is always a moment in the week when we realize there is not enough food in the fridge for tomorrow’s breakfast or dinner. If we are such skilled planners, why can’t we get our act together for groceries?
Usually, the grocery crisis happens on Sunday night when we get home after a weekend at the cabin, or after one of us returns from a work trip. We’ve been so busy enjoying or surviving these couple of days that “life after” has not been given any thought yet.
There are a couple of solutions to the grocery crisis. Does one of us run to the store on Sunday night - arguably the day of the week on which we are both most exhausted? (no). Do we go to the store tomorrow during work? (no). Does one of us do it tomorrow while the other picks up the kids? (maybe). Do we just order takeout tomorrow and postpone the problem to Tuesday? (yes).
The problem with these options is that they all have tradeoffs. Sunday night shopping, aside from the fact that we are exhausted, cuts into our time together once the kids are in bed. Shopping on Monday during work reduces work time, and so does the next option, even though it at least feels a bit fairer. Takeout doesn’t take time, but does not solve the problem.
Life is full of trade-offs, and this grocery-run crisis is just a small example, a zoomed-in picture, of such trade-offs. Do I work longer or go for a run? Do I work tonight, or spend quality time with my partner? Do I play soccer with my kid after school, or finish a work task? It would sometimes be almost nice if I did not have options, as weighing them consumes a lot of energy. It is also known as decision fatigue. A study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science confirms that decision-making is depleting, but it also reveals something intriguing: making decisions for others is much less depleting. Because guess what? Then it is actually fun. Maybe because you don’t have to live with the consequences? So you could try trading your decisions with a friend for a day and see how that goes.
Until I have found a friend I trust with this task, I rely on rules, plans, and schedules. If the schedule is clear, I don’t have to spend time going through all options. Here is an example. This September, our two oldest won’t be going to after-school care anymore. I will start the workday early and pick them up at 3 pm. But then there are two boys home, even though it technically is still my workday. That means there are a lot of options to weigh (do I help them make a snack? What about homework? What if they ask me to play a game?). Which is why we already made a schedule so that they understand what an afternoon at home will look like. I will have to work for at least another hour, so they can relax (meaning screen time) for 30 minutes, then do an activity independently that does not involve screens for 45 minutes. Such expectations make it easier for everyone. Playing soccer before 4:30 pm just isn’t an option, so if my son asks me, I have my answer ready. I don’t have to spend energy on deliberating or negotiating.
This evening, I stopped the energy leak from trying to figure out when to buy groceries. I signed up for a delivery membership at a local supermarket. The trade-off is that we won’t get to pick our produce. We’ll give it a go. Instead of figuring out when to buy groceries, I just ordered food online to be delivered by 8 am tomorrow. We’ll have breakfast and dinner for the rest of the week.